nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
