dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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