She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
