Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
