I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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