Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I came so hard my ears popped.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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