My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize