I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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