Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize