Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
