Are we in a gay sports bar?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
