an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
