What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
