Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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