just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize