I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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