thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
