My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
