Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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