He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
