Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
