I want to have your abortion
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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