How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
