you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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