theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
