I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
