that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Come see our sink grown plant.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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