were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
