I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
