NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Randomize
