You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
