hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
