the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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