Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize