never play flip cup with pint glasses
babies were throwing up all over the place
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
