covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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