i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
