Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
