nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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