So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
