Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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