Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
