his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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