Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Girls should come with a carfax report
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
