3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
