The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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