I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
