I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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