planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
