her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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