you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
