make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
