if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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