dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
