did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
