After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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