I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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