I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
