Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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