I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize