If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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