she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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