You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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