she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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