Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
