even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
